How Fear Of ‘Log Kya Kahenge’ Keeps Women In Abusive Marriages? | Relationships News

Let’s discuss the real prison, which is not always iron bars. For a lot of females who experience domestic violence, the overwhelming worry of “log kya kahenge?” turns out to be the jailer. They keep the bruises a secret and create alibis, being at the same time hopeful for freedom and scared of social judgement. It’s a tragic struggle.

In a society that adores the “ideal family, a divorced woman is regarded as a loser, not as a strong one. The abuse kept in secrecy becomes a hidden story, while her decision to break the relationship is put on display. Is the position of a “respectable” martyr really better than that of a free person? Society appears to shout aloud yes. Society conditions women to tolerate pain and often regards adjustment as a duty instead of a choice.  Devendra Kumar Founder and Director Ladli Foundation shares how fear of ‘log kya kahenge’ keeps women in abusive marriages.

To add to that, social tags like “divorced”, “failed” or “characterless” cause a very deep fear in women’s hearts that they even mute themselves when it comes to violence. In the end, for most women, the fear of being judged by society is still stronger than the fear of continuous abuse, thus revealing an important social problem that requires urgent attention.

The Second Cell: The Anatomy of a “Good Woman”

 

Girls from an early age are taught to consider the family’s needs first and to sacrifice their own happiness for the family. In case of abuse, the victim feels the burden of suffering as a weapon against them. Such a situation is interpreted as a betrayal of the partner, and, in consequence, the victim fears being labelled as “selfish”. This fear often feels worse than the suffering itself. In a way, it is considered shameful to leave a marriage rather than to put up with abuse, so families may urge the women to remain. This additionally supports the idea that pain is a normla part of marriage.

The Third Cell: The Web of Economic and Social Dependence.

“Where will you go?” is not merely a question; it is a heavy threat. Returning to the parental home will not only mean pity but also blame, while living alone is associated with gossip and danger. The family may insist that she remain in the marriage for their honour and thus compromise her safety for their social standing. Financial dependence and concerns for children are commonly cited reasons used to dissuade women from speaking out or choosing to leave their partners.

The Fourth Cell: The Blame-Shifting Carnival

If she decides to say something, a blame circus erupts: “What wrong did you do?” “Did you forget about the house?” The focus is on her responses, not on his faults. Women who are subjected to injustice would rather not be silent, throughout the process of judgment and scrutiny, they in fact consider it better to engage in the fight. Society has a disquieting habit of celebrating a woman’s suffering while almost never doubting the abuser’s deeds. Emotional manipulation under the pretexts of family honor, culture, and reputation entraps women even more, thereby making silence seem like the only choice left.

Her fear is not just a present pain; it threatens her future. She visualises the ghosts of birthdays celebrated alone, being excluded from couple gatherings, and her kids having to deal with the “broken home” stigma. Just like that, the love of her marriage, though often troubled, seems to be the only shelter she has now. This is not kicked under the rug. This is not a “cultural” thing. This is nothing but socially accepted torture.

It’s the community acting as the abuser’s loyal accomplice, holding the door of the cage shut from the outside. Every time people gossip about a divorced woman, every time they equate a woman’s worth with her marital status, and every time they whisper “I heard she left him” with more judgement than they ever express about “I heard he hits her, people are adding a brick to that prison.

Breaking free from abuse requires unimaginable courage. But asking a woman to fight not just one violent man but the entire, judging ghost town of “society” is a war on two fronts. Until everyone, as a collective, replaces whispers with support and judgment with safe havens, “log kya kahenge?” will remain the most effective chain, binding women to their pain. It’s time we made the fear of staying louder and more dangerous to the status quo than the fear of leaving. The verdict of “people” should never be a death sentence.